When hanging out with toddlers or pre-schoolers, people love to talk about how sweet and innocent they are. They go through their days being spontaneous, not caring what anyone else thinks. They immerse themselves in their experiences and live for self-pleasure. I’ve heard numerous adults admire that about young children, and question when we lost that innate spontaneity. I frequently watch young children and wonder to myself what it would look like if an adult were doing such things. This is for my own amusement and entertainment. I have spent a long time “researching” the behavior of little kids and what would happen if adults lived in the same spontaneous way that children do. This is what that would look like:
At a business lunch: Professionals and executives would be trying to seal the deal over chicken nuggets or spaghetti and meatballs. At least one person would be blowing bubbles in his chocolate milk, while another stacks suger dispensers, salt and pepper shakers, and silverware in a tower. Perhaps that would be the architect or builder of the group. Yet another would be scribbling on his placemat. Someone would likely have sauce rubbed all over his face and in his hair. There may even be one well dressed woman crawling under the table, or flinging her legs over the back of the booth seat. Never mind the potential for launching peas at each other with spoons.
At a business meeting: Rolling chairs. Think of the fun that can be had in a conference room with rolling chairs. I’m thinking races around the table, and spinning each other until you can’t walk a straight line. That sounds way more fun than watching some boring presentation on sales or marketing.
At the doctor’s office: A husband brings his wife to the doctor. She needs a physical. She spends an hour in the waiting room, playing with the germ infested toys. Once in a while, she stops to approach another woman. She stands in her personal space, stares her down, and then looks her up and down, from head to toe, judging her by the way she looks. Then, they start to play together…one puts a toy in her mouth, drops it on the floor, and the other picks it up, and puts it in HER mouth. Finally, they get called into a room. The man undresses the woman while she fights him the entire time. Once she is in her underwear, she spins around on the doctor’s stool, climbs on and off the table until the paper is a shredded mess, plays lightning storm with the lights, and touches every last medical tool available. The visit ends with her screaming bloody murder and fighting the nurse, the doctor, the husband, and six bouncers as they try to give her a shot.
At the grocery store: Picture a mature couple walking into the grocery store. They select a carriage. The wife holds it still, while the husband climbs in to the back. It would be way funnier if he tried to get into the little seat in front, but that would require a full on extrication by the fire department at the end of the trip. So, let’s stick to the back. She struggles to push him through the store because, as usual, she picks a carriage that only wants to go left, and of course, he weighs 200 pounds which makes it more of a challenge. Five minutes into the shopping experience, he starts to whine because he’s bored. He starts grabbing crap off the shelves. He keeps standing up, so she has to continually remind him that he needs to sit. He begs for some garbage food item in every aisle, and pitches a fit every time she says no. The other shoppers give her dirty looks because clearly she can’t control his behavior. Everyone thinks she’s a shitty wife.
In the car: They leave the grocery store. She tries to strap him into his seat belt and he does the whole “arching his back thing” while crying and screaming that he wants to go home. Once they’re moving, he calms down and entertains himself by making faces at the people in other cars. He might even suck his thumb. Eventually he gets sleepy, and dozes off. By this time, the wife notices a scent that indicates he needs his pull-up changed.
There are many scenarios involving children that would be way more entertaining if adults were the key players and not the kids. Picture an adult stripping off his clothes and running naked through the playground. Wait, that would just be creepy. Bad example. Picture adults playing in the dirt, or tossing stuff in the toilet and swishing it around with their hands. Picture them running everywhere, and falling on their faces like a two year old. Picture them riding the dog, climbing on the furniture, having a tug-of-war over a toy, or sticking a metal object in a socket to see what happens. You can switch the players no matter where you are or what you’re doing. It really is funny. Next time you’re stuck in a board meeting or some mind-numbing adult activity, switch the players. It might be a social faux-pas to act on these ideas, and you would likely appear to be mentally ill or at the very least socially immature for doing any of it. But nobody can condemn you for simply thinking about it, and honestly, as long as you’re entertaining yourself, that’s all that really matters.